Thursday, August 30, 2012
WEAPONS OF MASS CONSUMPTION
Sparks Nevada, 6:00 pm, center stage ‘Weapons of Mass Consumption’ were spotted. This group of professional eaters would all challenge our hero and past champion ‘Joey Jaws Chestnut’ in a contest of gastronomical greatness. This contest would last twelve excruciating long minutes. The object of this challenge was to eat as many ribs as possible. Would Joey remain champion? The plate was set and we patiently awaited the opening bell.
A huge crowd gathered in anticipation of witnessing the monumental event. We had to arrive early to claim our spot in the splash zone. We were confident our mentor and eater idol would not breach the unthinkable ‘Reversal of Fortune’. (When food matter leaves the mouth area involuntarily) . The announcer whipped the crowd into a frenzy with his snappy dialogue and verse. The contestants were introduced and we were ready to witness culinary history.
Joey was in tip top eating shape. From the opening bell he demonstrated and gave a clinic in the arena of fast consumption of ribs. It was spectacular. The crowd roared, Ms. Goofy wept and I was shocked and awed of this food extravaganza. In the end Joey consumed eight pounds of ribs. His closest competitor Matt 'Mega Toad' Stonie ate or should I say inhaled seven and one half pounds of ribs. What an event. We are now going to duplicate but in a much slower pace some rib consumption of our own.